More about the crap going on

Warning: Deep dark vent ahead. Feel free to not read this post. Well, despite 2 weeks of waiting, things are still sucking. I went back to the doctor yesterday and had another U/S. My ovarian cyst is still there and leaking, but the blood inside my abdominal cavity is gone now. The cyst is shrinking as well. We haven't seen the kidney stone yet, but I can't imagine that it's still in there. It was small to start with and we didn't see it on my last x-ray. So now I'm extremely frustrated. Yesterday I tried to take Abbie to Target after feeling a little better for a few hours. We had to leave soon after getting there because I couldn't walk anymore. Being in pain just blows. I am now just doing 800 mg of Ibuprofen every 6 hrs because the Percocet wasn't helping at all and I couldn't function on it at all. So if anybody wants half a bottle of Percocet, let me know. (Just kidding--I know it's illegal and I wouldn't give it away anyways. I'd sell it. Just kidding. I wouldn't sell it. Seriously.) My GYN hypothesized yesterday that the continuance of this pain might be caused by Endometriosis. That completely sucks. COMPLETELY SUCKS. She thought based on the location and type of pain that I'm feeling, it might be that. I switched birth control pills to one that is supposed to help with the reduction of ovarian cysts and endometriosis. If that doesn't help in 2 MONTHS, I'm supposed to call her back and they'll scope me. Great. Only two more months. I have tried to remain optimistic. I have tried my darndest to see the humor in this. But it's just not funny anymore. Not only am I in pain every day, I can't sleep at night either (it's been 4 nights since I've slept more than 4 hours total). I can't take care of my kids--Driving is what aggravates the pain the worst, so taking Nate to school and picking him up is either pure torture, or something that I have to push off on somebody else. I hate not being able to do my duties. I can't go grocery shopping, I can't clean my house and I can't play with my kids unless I'm lying on the couch reading to them. I am so worried about depression returning. I am already feeling really hopeless, whatwith having no true diagnosis and no plan to treat the pain. I feel like a psycho because after "resolving" the causes of the pain I was feeling, I feel no better. I seriously don't feel better at all. Can one experience this much pain in their head? Could I be making this up? These are where my thoughts are turning. I'm not sure if my doctors just don't get how much this is jacking up my life, or if they think I'm making it up. I can't fathom seeing somebody in so much pain and telling them the treatment should start to work by 2 months from now. Oh yeah and good luck. So I'm stuck. Literally and figuratively. I'm stuck on the couch or in bed. But I'm really stuck in my head, trying to convince myself that this won't last forever, that one day I'll wake up and feel better. I'm sinking though. My thoughts are bringing me down, which might be even more frustrating than what's causing me to fall in the first place. Plus we have a trip to Disney World planned in less than two weeks and if I can't even shower without crying, I'm not sure how I'll manage Disney World. I do want to thank everybody who has called or written or helped out in someway. Thank you for the dinners, the Sonic :), and the offers for babysitting. Abbie was sick with a cold so she has been home with me, but I may need some help now that she is better. It's good to know that there are people who want to help. Friends give me something to hold on to. Please excuse my ranting, my venting. I had to get it out somewhere and this is as close to a journal as I have, so you have to deal with it too. Plus I wanted to explain why I've dropped off the face of the earth. Thanks again for everything.