A Choice

These last couple of weeks were a time of deliberation for Alan and me.  While it may seem like Alan has been through as much schooling as is humanly possible, he still has more to come.  After finishing his third year of a Psychiatry Residency (we are just finishing Year 2 this month), he will go on to complete a two year Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Fellowship.  Just like Residency, the Fellowship positions are filled around the country using the dreaded Match Program.  What this means: Applicants rank their choices, programs rank their applicants, and then a computer spits out placements.  You can see the possible disadvantages to this method of doing things, basically that you just get sent somewhere instead of having the final say.

Which brings us to this weeks' turmoil... Alan was offered a place in the UW Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Fellowship, OUTSIDE OF THE MATCH.  This is a huge compliment to Alan and a major testament to his skills, as his bosses wanted him enough to offer him a place (one of three positions) outside of the match.  No application, no interview--Just a contract.  Wow.  What's the downside to this, you might ask?  Well, to be perfectly honest, we don't really want to live in Madison anymore.  I have been counting down the years (4 Med School, 2 Residency so far) until we were done here and could escape. Yes, we both grew up here.  Yes, we still have some family in the area.  We own a home in a wonderful school district.  Madison is safe, familiar.  But Madison has horrendous winters.  Also, we live in a ward (church congregation) that is filled with graduate students, i.e. people who leave every few years.  Reasons to stay and reasons to go.

We were torn down to the core.  People asked us which way we were leaning and we honestly couldn't say because we weren't leaning at all.  But Friday came and we had to make a decision.  I'll tell you that there were many tears shed (okay, just mine, not Alan's).  But what we finally decided was that we are going to stay in Madison for three more years.  We realized that while we want to leave, we want to do it on our on terms.  We want to move when the choice is ours where we go.  We want to move when we have a real salary that will allow us to buy a home close to Alan's clinic, instead of living in a city that we don't like, in an apartment miles away from his workplace.  We decided to finish our training here, with a promise to ourselves that we'll leave in three years.

I cried very hard after our decision was made.  I really wanted to move.  Alan asked if we should change our mind.  But I do feel like this is the best choice for our family right now, that this was the right decision for us.  And now, a couple of days out, I am feeling even more sure that we made the right choice.  I'm looking forward to leaving in three years, but I know that this is where we are supposed to be now.

In our deliberations, we discussed what we could do to make Madison feel like a better option.  One of the top items on that list was to switch wards.  In our church, congregations are determined using geographic boundaries.  We ended up in the ward that is filled with young families, newly married, in school, with young children.  Seems perfect, right?  For the last six years it has been great.  Well, other than the fact that your best friends are constantly moving away.  But now as I'm getting older (a lot of the women my age are all moving, as their husbands are just finishing their programs), I'm not feeling as comfortable anymore.  It's a stereotype that Mormon women have lots of kids, but there is definitely some truth to that.  I have a seven year old and a four year old, but I don't have two babies after Abbie.  Obviously there are reasons that we don't have more kids--I have nightmare pregnancies, I've had two surgeries in the last three years, Alan's doctors told him that it would be harder and harder to have kids as he got older (and he's already "sterile").  I had somebody at church ask me if we're considering adoption.  What?!  This just illustrates what some people think in the community that we are a part of.  If you have a two year old and you're not pregnant, something must be wrong with you.  No it's not right, but it's the way things can feel in our ward.  So I'm feeling uncomfortable there.  Then there's the fact that Alan's parents live in town (in our ward), which I think leads people to think that we have a built in niche.  As I'm a shy person to begin with, I'm sure that I don't make enough effort to get out there, but I've been feeling more and more distant from the ward community lately.  I know it's my responsibility to change that, but with the age gap widening and some of my good friends leaving in the near future, it's hard.  So that's why we're thinking of trying to switch wards.  It's complicated, though, as to switch wards, we'd probably have to move.  That means switching schools, MOVING, etc.  More decisions.

I didn't mean for that to turn into a negative, whiny post.  I really do feel good about staying in Madison, like this is where we're supposed to be.  No decision like that is ever easy, much like life in some respects.  I look forward to the next three years, though, and whatever may come after that.  These last years of tremendous hard work that Alan has put in have all paid off now.  Without his hard work/placement outside of the Match, we'd be looking at huge application costs, travel expenses and tons of time spent away from home this year (interviewing).  I have a good feeling about all of this, I really do.  Madison it is!

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Dad, thanks for being you.   I love you!

Sweet Nate

Every Thursday night, I spend about three hours helping a friend with her babies.  Tonight, my sweet Nate-Nate was feeling pretty sad that I was gone.  This is what Alan relayed to me when I got home:

Alan was in the basement, when Nate appeared behind him. 
Nate: Daddy, I'm feeling sad.
Alan: What's up, Buddy?
Nate: I miss Mommy.  Whenever I think about her, I think of her laughing, and I miss her.  Then I feel sad.

My sweet baby.  I love that kid so much.

Seattle--Ruby Beach

The drive from the Hoh Rainforest to Olympia was absolutely spectacular.  A good portion of the drive runs along Hwy 101, i.e. the Coastal Highway.  We stopped to hike down to one beach after seeing the immense Sea Stacks from the road.  These are photos of Ruby Beach.

Camping--4 Years Later

Four years ago, we went on a camping trip with some good friends.  Alan and Sam were both in med school, while Rachel and I were rocking the SAHM role to barely/almost three years old, and baby Abbie.  We had a wonderful time and have been trying to go again ever since.  But when you have two Medical Residents, two wives who don't boast the strongest health records, and four kids, well it's difficult to find a time when everybody can go.  Luckily, we found a weekend when both dads had a day off, so off we went.  It was wonderful.  The kids had a blast hiking, using Nate's metal detector (to find pennies that Alan and Sam secretly scattered), driving the tractor (we went to Sam's parents' property in northern WI), roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, making bows and arrows, and telling stories huddled in a tent while Sam accompanied on guitar.  I can't find words to express how beautiful it was to watch our children running, followed closely by their usually very busy dads.  It's a set of memories that I will always hold on to, memories that will always stir feelings of contentedness in my soul.

Here are a couple of photos from four years ago.  Look at how little Nate and Ella were!

This trip:

I Have a Second Grader!

Friday was Nate's last day of first grade.  I went in for the last 20 minutes to take some shot of the kids and teachers.  This year was wonderful for Nate.  He learned so much, both academically and socially.  Nate is now reading at a third to fourth grade level; he loves reading more than playing sometimes!  I have to make him put his books down to eat breakfast in the morning.  I just love how much he loves to read.  I'm a proud momma.  

Nate's first grade teacher, Mrs. Powell, was the best teacher ever.  Seriously amazing.  She treated each of her students with the utmost respect.  She cared about them all and knew them as individuals.  I knew that I could express my concerns and desires with her, feeling confident that she would listen and do everything she could to help.  This woman is phenomenal.  I'm scared for next year because I can't imagine another teacher being this wonderful.  What a fantastic experience for Nate.

This is Nate's student teacher, Mr. Seth.  This man was incredible, too.  He was an amazing male role model for all of the kids in his class.  Mr. Seth went out and actually played with on the playground, with the kids, at recess.  (A lot of the teachers just stand around and chat.)  He was firm and involved.  He will make an incredible teacher.

This is Nate and his buddy, Ian.  They were in kindergarten and first grade together.  After school ended, Ian's mom and I took the boys, plus Abbie, to a celebratory lunch at Red Robin.  Such fun!

On a side note, Nate's school received a couple of grants to plant a school garden this year.  Their garden is thriving.  Feel free to head over and pick anything you need over the summer!

Harry Potter Pontoon Trip

MSCR (Madison Schools and Community Recreation) advertised a Harry Potter Pontoon Ride in their summer catalog.  Based on the amount of Harry Potter love going on around here, we thought it would be awesome.  Thought it would be awesome...  This was, by far, the lamest event I have ever attended.  The four of us, along with four MSCR employees set off on the adventure.  We took a pontoon boat around Lake Monona with Harry Potter theme music playing in the background.  The hosts had not read the books.  They had a trivia game, but could not pronounce the characters names.  The MSCR people made an unholy number of inappropriate comments, ranging from talk about Vodka to sex.  It was SO utterly pathetic that I honestly thought about feigning illness to end it all early. I fully intend to get my money back.

The only good part was a few cute shots of the kids.