Summer-in-the-Middle-of-the-Winter Party

On Saturday evening, we had a beat the winter blues party. We had about 15 or 20 people over. We turned the heat up in the house and wore summer clothes. We barbecued hot dogs, ate chips and drank pina coladas and strawberry daiquiris. We danced and played Twister, did the limbo and the kids did a lot of sword fighting. I had a great time and I hope that everybody else did too! We just had to do something different--The doldrums of winter are upon us and everbody is hibernating! Sometimes you have to just get out!

Abbie and Nate decorated this paper with a beach, blue sky and sun. This is them surfing.

Sword fighting--Logan is helping Chris master his technique.

Even Sofia got in on the action!

Have you ever played Twister with dads and kids all younger than 5?

Alan and Chad were troopers. I was impressed!

Spoof

How God Answers Prayers (or Doesn't)

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to speak in church. I was asked to speak about how God answers our prayers. Several people have asked me for a copy of my talk. I thought that I would just put it up here because I really think that these words are inspired. I have never been a writer or a speaker, but people seemed to be moved by what I said. (I know, what?!) I figure that it must have come from God, because I really doubt that it came from me! Also, if you have any questions, please ask! I know that some of the vocabulary/names aren't familiar unless you're LDS, so feel free to ask. Here it is:

How God Answers Prayers (or Doesn’t)

So as of March 23 of this year, I will have been a member of this church for 7 years. In those almost 7 years, I have NEVER, I repeat NEVER, given a talk. Apparently this is not a subject that you should mention to your Visiting Teacher if she is married to a member of the Bishopric. In all seriousness, though, I have often wondered why I wasn’t asked to speak in church. I kind of just assumed that Heavenly Father really didn’t want anybody to hear what I have to say. So to be asked now, at this place in my life, is, well, confusing to me. I have been humbled by my preparations, difficult as they’ve been. I was asked to speak about how God answers our prayers. To be perfectly honest, this is difficult for me. Which I guess, as far as I can tell, is probably why I was asked to speak after 7 long years. Heavenly Father knew that I needed to discover how he answers our prayers--I only hope that this talk will benefit you as much as it did me. At one point in my life, I had a vast and solid testimony that Heavenly Father answers our prayers. I knew with every fiber of my being that Heavenly Father not only heard my prayers, but responded and blessed me with those things for which I prayed. The instance that replays in my mind is how we were blessed with Nate. For those of you who don’t know, my husband, Alan, had cancer in high school. After chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant, he went into remission. But because of his treatment, he was told that he was sterile and that he would never be able to have children. Even knowing this, Alan and I decided that we would pray for Heavenly Father to send us a baby. I can remember praying together, pleading every single night, without fail, that we would be blessed with a baby. Soon, I was pregnant with Nate. He is our miracle. And then we were blessed again, with our second miracle, Abbie. Heavenly Father answered our prayers. He answered our prayers in exactly the way that we hoped he would. The only thing is that…well, Heavenly Father doesn’t always answer our prayers in the way that we want him to. Sometimes we feel like He doesn’t answer our prayers at all. This is what I would like to talk about. We are told over and over again in the scriptures that Heavenly Father does answer our prayers. In Doctrine and Covenants 4:7, we are told, “Ask, and ye shall receive.” In Doctrine and Covenants 112:10, “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by thy hand, and give thee answers to thy prayers.” In Matthew 7:7-8 and 3Nephi 14:7-8, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” So why if it seems so clear here that Heavenly Father answers our every prayer, does it sometimes feel we are on our own? First, know that if you feel that way, you are not alone. And it’s not just me that is right there with you. When Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail, and his prayers remained unanswered, he prayed saying, “Oh, God where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” When Jesus Christ was on the cross, he cried out, “My God, my God, why hast though forsaken me?” So even prophets, even our Savior, felt that Heavenly Father had not responded to their pleas; that He had not answered their prayers. After we realize that there’s not something wrong with us for doubting God, we must seek even more answers. We must seek to understand how God answers prayers. When we pray, we are speaking to our Heavenly Father. We are his children. He is our Father. He loves us. He wants to help us. How similar is that to a child speaking to his dad here on earth? The same. Imagine a daughter coming to you for help with her math homework. Is she being lazy and wanting you to just give her the answer? If so, you might tell her that she is capable of doing the work herself. You might tell her to do the best she can and you’ll check her answers after she’s done. Maybe, though, she is truly struggling. In that case, you might sit down and work through the problem with her. You might give her a hint or show her a different way to look at the problem. You might even give her the answer so that she’ll know how to do the next one. This is the same way that God answers our prayers. It’s not always a straight answer. He might want us to do some more work on our own. He might give us a new perspective or he might not tell us anything because he knows that we can figure it out for ourselves. I wish that I had time discuss in detail the many different ways that God answers our prayers. Let me just list off a few: There’s the burning in your bosom, the goosebumps, the classic confirmation from the Holy Ghost. There’s the feeling of dread or doom, the warning in our hearts that tells us we’re not doing what we should be doing. Our prayers our sometimes answered by other people--The story of the man stuck on his roof during a flood. He prays that God will save him. A man comes by with a canoe and offers him a ride. The man on the roof says that God is going to save him, so no thanks. A man then comes by with a motorboat and says you look like you really need help. “No thanks. God is going to save me.” A helicopter comes next and he refuses that too. Eventually he drowns. He gets up to Heaven and is griping to God about why he didn’t save him. God says, “Hello?! I sent you a canoe, a motorboat and a helicopter!” Our prayers can also be answered through different circumstances--Like you get fired from your job, but end up having to move away only to meet the love of your life at your first day of work. So what do we do when we pray and feel no confirmation and no warning? What do we do when it seems that our prayers are going unanswered? I say that we must act. We must act in faith. Look at Nephi. Nephi was told that he and his brothers were to go retrieve the brass plates from Laban. Laman and Lemuel murmured, but Nephi, said, “ I will go and do.” Nephi showed that he would have faith and go to retrieve the brass plates, despite not knowing how he was supposed to get them. Twice, Nephi and his brothers attempted to get the plates from Laban. After two times, Laman and Lemuel grew angry. They actually beat Nephi--They smote him with a rod. But even after being beaten, even after failing to do what he thought he was supposed to do twice, even after saying that he did not know “beforehand the things which I should do,” Nephi went back to Jerusalem for the plates of brass. Nephi did not know until he was standing over Laban in the street what he was going to do. Then, once he thought that he had figured it out, he realized that he was supposed to kill a man! I’m not sure that any of our unanswered prayers have led us to stand over some guy with a sword in our hand, thinking that what we were supposed to do was to break one of the 10 Commandments. And yet Nephi acted. And in that moment, the Spirit came to him. Nephi questioned the Spirit and then the Holy Ghost spoke to him. He was guided and directed, after he chose to act in faith. Elder Boyd K. Packer said, “You cannot make a major mistake without having been warned. I will make a promise to you, and you can test it. I have no hesitancy in making this promise… As you move forward in life, you cannot make a major mistake, any mistake that will have any lasting consequence in your life, without having been warned and told not do it. It cannot be done in this Church. It doesn’t work that way.” So we must act. We must go and do, just as Nephi did. Heavenly Father will not let us go astray, as long as we are listening. As long as we are listening. Sometimes, when we think that our prayers are not being answered, we’re just not listening. Or maybe we don’t want to hear what the Lord has to say. We are too intent on wanting confirmation of our own desires. When we pray, we must be open to the idea that Heavenly Father may not give us exactly what we want. Just like a father won’t always just give his daughter the answer to her math problem. Just like Nephi--There may be stumbling blocks and confusion in our path. Heavenly Father answers prayers in His own way, in His own time. We may never understand why some things for which we pray are granted and others are not. There may be some seemingly unanswered prayers with which we will struggle for the rest of our lives. I spoke in the beginning of my talk about the miracles that are my children. I said that I prayed for them and was blessed with them. It is true. What I did not say, though, was that after Nate and before Abbie, I had two miscarriages. I prayed for those babies too. Sometimes the things that we pray for are not a part of Heavenly Father’s plan for us. I guess that what we have to remember during our trials, during those times in our lives when we just don’t understand why things are happening or why they aren’t happening, is just that God hears our prayers. I promise you that he hears you. I promise you that he is listening. It is up to us to have faith that our answers will come in time. It is up to us to have enough faith to go and do, believing that God will guide us when the time comes. We just have to have faith that Heavenly Father will answer our prayers.

Thoughts

I just wanted to take a minute to note how wonderful life is when I'm not depressed: It's amazing! It's wonderful! I think that I had forgotten what it was like to be happy. I had forgotten what kind of person I was without the cloud of depression hanging over me. 2 years is a long time to be depressed. I have lost a lot of memory from the last two years, due to both ECT and the extended time that I was sick from Pneumonia/surgery. I am not sure if it's medically proven (and Alan's on call so I can't ask him), but I am pretty sure that when I'm depressed my memory is crap. So needless to say, things are a bit hazy. I guess that it's probably better that way, though. There are a lot of things that I wouldn't want to remember anyways. For the last little bit, I think that I was like 95% recovered. I was good until I got stressed or lost a lot of sleep or things got really tough--Then I would sort of crash. My ability to cope was definitely not 100%. But very recently, I have been able to cope so much better. Long days are hard, but they are manageable. I used to look at a day when I had no plans, a long to-do list and Alan on call, and wonder how I would get through 10AM, let alone the entire day alone. But now I can handle it. Not only can I handle it, I can still have a good day. That's pretty monumental. Even in the dead of winter, I can say all of this. That's huge too! It's an incredible feeling to actually want to do something, instead of just wanting to lay in bed all day long. I am motivated to keep my house clean and cozy. I have planned a menu and cooked dinner for the last 2 weeks straight (without just making frozen pizza, etc.). Yesterday, I did 5 loads of laundry. AND they are folded. And they are put away. Holy moly! Having laundry hanging over my head would have paralyzed me several months ago. Now I can just get up and do it. That's the thing about depression--Nothing is easy. Nothing. But now I can just see that my floor is dirty and I can get up to sweep it. I don't have to spend oodles of time trying to make myself do it. I can't even describe what it's like to just be able to get things done. I love it. I evenfeel good about myself, which is not something that happens very often. So, knowing that I'm probably calling a curse upon my head, I'll say, life is good. Life is good.

MLKJ Day

Because Alan had Sunday AND Monday (!) off, we decided that we should take advantage of our two-day vacation. There is an exhibit at the Milwaukee Public Museum about the Titanic. I have always been fascinated by the Titanic and was really excited to see this exhibit. We left yesterday and spent the night at a hotel in Brookfield. The kids were super excited to go swimming and Alan was really excited to take them. I worked out in the exercise room next door while they swam. Then today we went to the museum. The exhibit was neat. There were a lot of artifacts that had been retrieved from the bottom of the ocean. There were recreations of some of the rooms on the Titanic, an actual mini-iceberg to touch and lots of quotes/information about passengers on the ship. Upon entering the exhibit, each person is given a boarding pass for the ship. At the end, there is a memorial wall and you find out if you lived of died. Nate and I survived, but Alan and Abbie perished. We also saw an Imax about the Titanic. It had amazing footage of some of the explorations of the ship and a lot of information. I was really surprised at how emotional it was. I teared up several times walking through the exhibit and during the movie too. I don't know that I really thought about being on the ship before. But seeing things that people lost--Jackets with names on them, hats found in specific state rooms, etc--Actually knowing that those people died. The water was so cold--Below the freezing point of regular water because of the salt. So many women boarded the boats without their husbands. I can't imagine. I honestly cannot fathom that. More than two-thirds of the passengers died. It's unbelievable. What really got to me, and I'm not sure why, was what happened right before the boat actually went under. The band members actually sat on the deck and played until the end. They played "Nearer My God to Thee." I know that song. I can hear it in my head. All 4 (5?) band members died when the ship went down. It was just really sad. I'm glad that we went, though, because I think it's one of the events in history that will never be forgotten and that we all need to know about. It was fascinating. Here are some pictures from our "trip"--

Abbie is now able to be by herself in the water Here's Nate swimming on his own too. So cute Here she is once she got a little more confident in the water And a picture for those of you who think her hair never grows. It's actually very long. It just grows bigger when it's dry instead of longer. :)

The exhibit we went to see

Taken by Abbie

Here I am with Nate and Abbie

Another picture by Abbie. Nate jumped in at the last minute (just to be a stinker).

Twister

This girl is a force to be reckoned with. I've long since given up trying to tell Abbie what to wear. Usually that's not so obvious as it was today. (See her boots on the wrong feet?) We went to Target like this. I used to see kids dressed like this and wonder why their parents let them go out like that. Ha! (I scoff at my own ignorance)

When one lives in an arctic tundra, you have to find creative things to do. We play Twister. Abbie is still mastering the game.

I love this picture--Doesn't it look like Nate's slamming Abbie's head into the ground? I think that he was just trying to see around her melon...

Abbie still working on mastering the game.

Aside from Nate looking slightly insane here, it does show how good he is at Twister. He can seriously contort his whole body to fit both hands and both feet onto one circle.

You'll notice that in none of the pictures do the locations of Abbie's feet and hands match the locations of Nate's feet and hands. Twister is more complicated than I had imagined.

THIRTY

Take a second and scroll down to my weight loss ticker at the bottom of the page! I've lost over THIRTY POUNDS! Wahoo!!

I have no words

Nate is Great

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Nate is great!

Winter Living

This week it is very cold in WI. Today when I woke up, I checked to see if Nate had school because they were predicting wicked windchills. Luckily, it was only -16F, so school was NOT canceled today. I do hope that they had indoor recess, though. Because it's been so cold, Abbie and I have been spending a lot of time at home. We have been doing a sort of mid-winter clean because I think that if we wait for spring cleaning, I'd end up spending until next winter to get it habitable again. It feels nice to have a warm, clean home to spend our days in. I'm very grateful for a cozy home.

This morning, I woke up on the complete wrong side of bed. I was in a very sour mood. Alan was on his way out the door as we got up, but I asked him if he could just stay for 2 more minutes (so that I could pee in peace). Long story short, Alan ended up staying home until 8:15(!!) to take Nate to school. It was unbelievable. We all ate breakfast together. Alan shoveled. I'm literally speechless when I try to describe how wonderful it was to have him home in the morning. I honestly can't remember the last time that he was home when we got up, let alone for getting ready. It was like a crazy late Christmas present! I felt giddy with joy and my day got off to a MUCH better start. I really love Alan and I am so grateful that he was able and willing to spend some extra time to help me out this morning. It was a real blessing.

This is Abbie's favorite place to be. She'll spend a half an hour sitting here. She reads or talks to herself. You'll notice the heating vent right below her feet.

Nate recreating A Christmas Story.

This is how I found the dustpan after Abbie swept the bathroom. I thought it was just too cute that she hung the big dustpan on her mini-broom, like I do on my big broom.

Abbie helped me declutter and arrange all of the pictures, etc. on our fridge.

Abbie and Nate have some new jobs that they have to do twice a week around the house. Abbie's job is to clear the bathroom counter, wipe it down and then put everything back. She takes it very seriously. Nate's job is to wipe around the bottom of the toilet--He hates it. (I told him that I hate it too and if he'd just watch where he pees, he would only have to do it once a week.)

Overall, things are going very well for us. I feel very blessed. This is the first time in, well I really don't even know how long, that I am not depressed. It's amazing. I have been hesitating saying anything because I didn't want to jinx myself, but you know what?, I have worked incredibly hard to get to this place and I am going to share it. I credit (in no particular order) medication, exercise, diet, my light box, and a whole lot of self-critiquing, self-realization, perspective and serious work. I also credit the support of my friends and family. And God. I would be ungrateful if I didn't say that God had a part in this. I think that the key for me that makes this time different than others, is that I've worked really hard to get out of this last depression. I mean I have worked REALLY HARD. It wasn't just medication and I didn't just slip into a better place in my life. This was due to some serious time and energy. That's what makes me confident that I'll be okay for a while. I know that it will probably come back at some point in my life because like Diabetes, it's just one of those diseases that people like me have to deal with for all of our living days, but I feel confident that I can beat it again when it rears its ugly head. For now, I am better. I am healthy and happy, despite everything in my life that tries to bog me down. Hallelujah.

Friends are Important

I've been thinking lately about how important friends are. I will be the first one to say that Alan is my best friend. He has been for years and years. I guess that I'm talking about friends other than a spouse/boyfriend/etc. Girlfriends, college friends, old friends. These people are SO important in my life. I think that in the beginning of a relationship, two people get so wrapped up in each other that they sometimes forget the other people in their lives. That's natural. But I can also remember reminding myself in Alan's and my early years that I needed to keep my friends close. There are things that husbands just can't understand. Alan is empathetic and thoughtful and an amazing listener, but he doesn't spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week caring for children the way that some of my friends do. He doesn't know what it's like to wait at home every night, knowing that he's going to be late again, the way that my friend, Rachel, who's husband is also a Resident, does. I can remember somebody telling me when Alan and I got married, "Don't ditch your friends. A guy should never come between girlfriends." I might have been slightly offended at the time, but I value that advice now. I need my friends in my life. I need them every single day. Just yesterday I spent hours with a good friend, talking about something in a way that Alan and I just couldn't have done. It's not a problem with our relationship; there are just some things that are better discussed with other friends. Alan was at work yesterday. He couldn't call me back because he was in rounds. I needed a friend and he just physically could not be here. Thank goodness I had somebody else to go to. It's plain and simple. There are times in our lives when our spouses cannot be around. They have to work, they are busy with a calling, etc, etc. There are times in our lives when we WILL NEED our friends. I want to do everything that I can to make sure that I have my friends around when I need them, and everything I can to make sure that I am around when my friends need me. It goes both ways. I encourage you to do the same.

My Nate-Nate

I have been debating about whether or not to post this for days and days now. I spent several hours talking with a true friend this afternoon and now feel like I have to post this. About a month and a half ago, we noticed that the left side of Nate's mouth was not working quite right. It just didn't move the way that the right side of his mouth did. He saw his regular pediatrician who couldn't find anything wrong with him at all. She did say, though, that she'd call and run it past a pediatric neurologist for us. She called back and said that they thought it was probably just a very mild Bell's Palsy. They did a CBC and it was totally normal. We were supposed to call back if it didn't go away in a few weeks. For a while, it seemed like it was getting better. It wasn't nearly as pronounced as when we first noticed it. So we spoke with his pediatrician and decided it was nothing. Well, it's still not gone. I called his regular doc back and they referred us to one of the pediatric neurologists. I called and spoke to this doc's nurse who told me that they were extremely busy and she wasn't sure that they'd be able to fit me in at all--Like it would be months. She said that she'd speak to the doc and get back to me. Well, she called back an hour later and said that they want to see Nate this coming Thursday. The doctor is concerned because of Alan's (Nate's) family history. Alan had Leukemia in high school, his younger brother had a brain tumor in high school, and his oldest brother had Testicular cancer a few years ago. So now I'm doing everything I can NOT to think about why they scheduled him so soon. I'm so scared. I can't write anymore because I can't let myself think about the possibilities. I am not going to go down that road. I am going to stay positive because there's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about. I really didn't want to post this on my blog because I don't want people worrying about this unnecessarily. I don't want to make a big deal about this. But I do want to ask for your prayers. Don't do it for me, but please do it for Nate. I'm just asking that he be included in your prayers for the next week. I really need him to be okay. I need for Heavenly Father to know how many people love Nate and want him to be healthy. Okay, even saying that much is going too far. I have to stop. But please, if you pray, and even if you don't or haven't in a while, please pray to whoever or whatever you pray to, that Nate is okay. Thank you so much. Emily

Jacob Black

January 7, 2009

Good news about New Moon from director Chris Weitz:

I'm very happy to announce that Taylor Lautner will be playing Jacob Black in New Moon and that he's doing so with the enthusiastic support of Summit Entertainment, the producers, and Stephenie Meyer.

The characters in Stephenie's books go through extraordinary changes of circumstance and also appearance; so it is not surprising that there has been speculation about whether the same actor would portray a character who changes in so many surprising ways throughout the series. But it was my first instinct that Taylor was, is, and should be Jacob, and that the books would be best served by the actor who is emotionally right for the part. I think that fans of Twilight the book and the movie will be surprised by the Jacob Black that Taylor will bring to the screen in New Moon; and I'm looking forward to working with him and the rest of the cast in realizing the film.

very best

Chris Weitz

I'd just like to add that I was very much a part of this decision. My first priority was always what was best for New Moon—what was going to give us the best possible movie. I'm truly thrilled that Taylor was the one who proved to the director, to Summit, and to me that he is the best possible Jacob we could have. And I'm very much looking forward to seeing what he's going to bring to Jacob's character this year.

- Steph [Stephanie Meyer]

Wahoo!!

I do realize that he looks rather ridiculous in this picture. It's the first one that I could find, though, and I should really be making Nate's lunch for school, not scouring the internet for Twilight information.

Worth the Effort

So my exercising... It's not doing what I had hoped it would. I lost 5 lbs initially and now I have been stuck for the last 3 weeks with no weight loss. I am still doing between 30-60 minutes at least 6 days per week. I'm monitoring my calories, etc. I can't quite figure it out. Weight Watchers is having a free 1 wk trial for their online program so I'm going to try that out. It's only a week and if it can get me past this stupid stuck point... Enough griping, though. Despite my lack-luster weight loss, I have reaped an amazing benefit from exercising daily. My migraines are GONE! I was back to suffering from CDH (Chronic Daily Headache) to the point of using an entire package of Imitrex in 1 week. That's 9 tablets. NOT GOOD. My health, my mood and my ability to function was pretty bad. I was meaning to call my doctor to start another prophylactic med when suddenly, my migraines disapeared. They didn't just start to space out or decrease in severity. They are completely gone. I haven't had a migraine in 2 and a half weeks. This is HUGE! I've never found a prophylactic treatment, and I've tried a ton of meds, that worked this well. I'm astonished. I'm amazed. I am SO happy. So even if I'm still fat, at least my head doesn't hurt. At least I have another reason to keep on keeping on.

Clearing My SD Card

Cinderella is a fat cat.

Nate is a stud

My hibiscus bloomed! (So wonderful to see in the dead of winter)

Driving down to Ikea

The kids snacking and watching Mamma Mia on the way to Ikea

Lunch at Ikea (Could they possibly be more alike?) Lunch with Mr. Smiley at Ikea

A sink! (We had a photo scavenger hunt for the kids so that they wouldn't go nuts)

A white table!

A white desk!

If nothing else, he makes us laugh. :)

Abbie is a Sunbeam!!!!!!!!! (She now goes to Sunday School instead of Nursery at church--Sunbeams are the 3 year olds)

I honestly don't think I could love her more--She's just so cute!

2008 In Pictures

I saw this slide show with some of the craziest pictures from 2008. Some of the photos are amazing! Check it out! 2008 In Pictures