Follow Up

Hmmmm.... Where to start? I guess saying that today was a better day. The kids slept through the night last night--A miracle! Actually, I have a theory about that. I think that Abbie spends so much time awake during the middle of the night because it's the only time that she can see Alan. My theory was validated last night when she slept all night long because he wasn't home. I digress. I didn't sleep too well--I never sleep well without Alan home, but at least I didn't have to be up with the kids. That was a huge blessing. Anyways, we got up, showered, ate breakfast and got ready for church. Amazingly, we were out the door on time!

I debated for a while last night and even a little this morning on whether or not I wanted to take the kids to church. That was stupid. I'm so glad that I went. It was wonderful to see friends, many of whom I hadn't seen in a while because we've been sick and out of town, etc. I needed to be bouyed up. As I looked around the chapel, I counted at least three other women who were there without their husbands. Not just sitting alone because their husbands were on the stands, but actually alone at church. It was strangely comforting. More than that, it was humbling. It was like I was slapped in the face--"Hey lady! You're not the only one!"

One of the talks at church today was about the talk that I posted yesterday. In our church, the clergy does not do the speaking during our meetings. The members do the speaking. I was so blessed by the people who spoke today. I felt like I learned something from each of them. The woman who spoke about the talk that I posted yesterday did an amazing job. Again, I felt like she was speaking to me. Thank you so much. If I had gotten nothing else out of church today, your talk was proof to me that I was supposed to be there.

And then miracle of miracles, Alan got done with work early at like 11 and came to the end of church! The kids and I hadn't seen him since Friday night, so it was a lovely surprise. To top it off, our home teacher seemed to be incredibly in tune with the Spirit and offered to watch the kids for a couple of hours this afternoon. I can honestly say that God was watching over me today. I totally didn't deserve it, especially after my rant yesterday, but there He was. I am blessed.

I did find something pretty amusing at church today that I just have to throw in here. Our Relief Society lesson was about virtue. One of the things that was brought up a couple of times was swearing. Hee hee.

Anyways, this afternoon, we dropped our kids off at our home teacher's house. The kids are friends with their kids and were excited to play. Alan and I didn't really do anything. We just went for a drive. It was nice to get out for an hour. When we went back, we were invited to stay for dinner. It was so wonderful. I wonder if this family knows what they did for us today. I'm sure that they don't, but I do hope that they are blessed for it. It was so nice to talk to adults for a few hours--To talk to another mom with kids the same ages as mine. I realized that I used to do things like that a lot. I've become a shut-in. I felt so much better leaving their house. I think that they sensed that things have been difficult because they offered to babysit for us next Saturday if Alan can get off for the evening. (I'm really hoping!) What good people they are. These are the kind of people who I can only hope to be like someday.

So here's what I've come to: I didn't use to sit at home all day alone. Abbie and Nate and I used to get out and hang out with friends. I didn't used to be bitter and angry. I didn't used to hate life. I need to be proactive. This situation isn't going to change. The only thing that can change is how I react to it. Period. So I am going to call people. I am going to suck up my insecurities and call people, despite my worries that they don't like me. I am going to make plans ahead of time--Days ahead of time. I am going to make lots of plans, for every day. I'm going to take control of my life. I'm going to stop letting life control me. Here we go!


Rachel, sorry Adeline has been sick. It's always something, isn't it? Is OB as bad for Sam as you thought it would be? I'll call you this week. Let's do something.

Erin, life is funny, isn't it? It's so true that in high school, I did know you through your sister. But motherhood really does bring people together! I know a lot of people doing PhD programs. That can be pretty ridiculous too. How much longer does he have? I'm so glad that you've found a job to get you through things. Hang in there! And thank you for your comments!

Kara, the 80 hour work week is a law, but they sort of cheat. It's an 80 hour average over 4 weeks. So you can work 100+ hours one week as long as it's not more than 320 hours in 4 weeks. And you have to have 1 day off every 7 days, but that's over 4 weeks too. They screw them as much as they can. Garrick so made the right choice!! Tell him he's a genius!