I'm getting nervous. I need to write. I'm having surgery on Friday to fix (I hope) my herniated disk and spinal stenosis. This will entail cutting out part of my disk at L5/S1, and then removing some of the bone around the nerve to relieve the pressure that is currently on my nerve. I was scheduled to have this procedure done almost two months ago, but the doctor changed his mind last minute (like last minute, as in my IV was started and I had been given medication). So I've done the mental preparation before, but I'm still scared.
I've been in on surgeries before, mostly C-sections, but still surgeries. Surgery is brutal. The thought of being on the other end of that is terrifying. Plus my last surgery experience was a thoracotomy two years ago, and that was one of the worst experiences of my life. I'm scared of the anesthesia--I have this ridiculous fear that I'll be given a paralytic drug, but no anesthetic, which will leave me able to feel everything, but not able to move a muscle and react. I know, it's never going to happen, but still. I'm also really scared of the post-op pain. Granted, I'm in a lot of pain right now, so the whole point of the surgery is relieve that, but I'm still scared of how much it will hurt afterwords. And then there's the fact that I'll be out of commission for who knows how long. I'm not so good at giving up my control as mom, but that's exactly what I'm going to have to do.
My SIL Andrea will be coming into town to help. My friend Melissa is organizing a week's worth of meals for us. My friend Jenn is going to grocery shop with me and help me cook a bunch of stuff to freeze on Thursday. My inlaws are at least going to be in town this time (2 months ago they were in China). But my other SIL is coming into town with her 5 kiddos which does make me a little nervous about how able to help my mother-in-law will be. It's a lot of work to have 5 extra kids in the house, on top of the 2 other kids that she already watches every day. Add my two into the mix, and that makes for 9 kids (Infant-11). I'm not really sure I'm comfortable with that. Plus I know how much work she has to do to keep so many kids fed and entertained, so I'm not at all eager to ask her to do more by driving Nate to and from school, babysitting my kids, etc. I decided that I'm just going to set up a different schedule so that I won't have to rely on my inlaws at all (or bother them!).
I just hate having everything so up in the air. I don't know how much it will hurt, I don't know when I'll be home, I don't know when I'll be feeling better, and I don't know how I'm going to manage the kids, house, rides, breakfast, lunch, dinner, work, etc. It's overwhelming and I'm scared. Ugh.
:( i'm sorry. surgery does do a number on the nerves. granted, i've only had two c-sections and no back surgeries. but still, i hear ya. thankfully, the painkillers will ease the pain (just don't wait until after you get home to go and get them-my first mistake)...so that does help ALOT, to the point where it is easily bearable. but you do have to REST. that was the hard part for me, but once i let go and wasn't afraid to ask for help (even sam), it was much easier. so, seriously - EMAIL ME or CALL ME!!! i have absolutely nothing to do, so i can definitely take care of rides if you need. and if you need dinner after the week's worth of meals, i really don't mind brining over dinner...as long as you can stand my cooking. ;) if you don't let me help, i will be MAD! ;) i hope your nerves are eased soon, and i'm sure the surgery will go smoothly.
ReplyDeleteIt's no wonder you're frightened. It's scary stuff. Wish I could be there to help. Love you!
ReplyDeleteHey! sorry I don't have a car or live closer, or I could help!! that sucks!
ReplyDeletetake the painkillers:-) before the pain gets too bad...yes, and rest. let other people help you... it's an enlightening experience... and you'll be amazed at who will be willing to help you, and possible friends you will make... I was anyway...you're in my prayers.
We'll be thinking of you and praying that everything goes well. We love you!
ReplyDeleteWe will pray for you. Let us know how things go, and what you need. Take care!
ReplyDeleteI've had your name on my calendar (for the 29th) ever since I found out that's when your surgery was going to be. I've been thinking a lot about you, wishing there were something more I could do than just think and pray. Once your week of meals is over ... I'm happy to do some too.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. I'm glad you have close loved ones to care for you. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteEmily--it's okay to be nervous, you know. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletePS I've had two back surgeries. Pain meds do wonders and a semi-healthy body is priceless.