Life at Week 3

When I think about how our life is going right now, all I can do is smile.  Noah has added so much joy to our lives.  I know how corny it sounds, but I just love him so much.  When he was born, he was placed immediately on my chest and I remember thinking, "Wow! This is my baby. We have a baby boy!"  This feeling of love overwhelmed me, realizing that this tiny baby boy was mine.  Those feelings are still here.  I can't get enough of his tiny body curled up on my chest, or the smell of his skin, or the feel of my cheek pressed against the top of his head.  I'm completely addicted.

That's not to say that things are easy, though.  Noah is still a slow eater.  Sometimes he can finish in 45 minutes, but most feedings still last an hour.  He also likes to cluster feed during the evening, usually eating from 7-10 PM.  I guess that explains why he's gaining about 2 oz/day!  We have finally switched to just pumping over night.  I feed him until about 10:30PM and then he usually sleeps until about 12:30AM.  He goes back to sleep until around 3:30 and then gets up again between 5 and 7.  Rarely, we get a 3-4 hour block from 3-7ish.  So I get up and pump for 15-20 minutes and then Alan gives him the bottle.  This has allowed me to get MUCH more sleep at night, as I was only getting about 2 hours/night since Noah won't nurse laying down.  All the milk just pours out the side of his mouth.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a baby that is just born a good breastfeeder.  I am hopeful that he'll continue to improve, though, which will allow us both to get more sleep.

During the day, Noah is a champion burper and pooper.  This kid could win a burp competition, no contest.  All I have to do is sit him up, pat his back a couple of times, and the neighbors can hear what comes out.  He also fills his diapers as soon as I change them.  (Thank goodness for Aquaphor!)  Noah is awake much more during the day now.  He enjoys watching Nate and Abbie, although sometimes he gets a little freaked out by how close Abbie likes to get to his face.  He also really likes his little stuffed Mickey Mouse that we got him in Disney World earlier this year.  Noah loves tummy time, dislikes walks in his stroller (I think the bumps freak him out), but really enjoys being outside in his sling.  He sleeps best in his swing (Thank you, Cannons!), but cannot keep a pacifier in his mouth to save his life.  Noah is a loud baby, not only when crying, but also because he is a grunter.  He grunts while awake and asleep.  There are so many little things that I don't want to forget.  I love how he's chunking up, but feel sad when I think about him being a month old next week.  What can I say?  I love this kid.

As for the rest of us, I feel like our adjustment to being a family of five has gone very smoothly.  Nate and Abbie have welcomed Noah into our family like champs.  They are serious troopers about making their own lunches, putting the pacifier back in Noah's mouth, and grabbing diapers for me.  They also fight over who gets to sit next to Noah in the van.  I was worried about behavior issues for both of them, but they have adjusted almost seamlessly.  They both sleep through his crying at night, thank goodness!  With Alan returning to work immediately following Noah's birth (literally--He went to work less than 12 hours after Noah was born...), I have learned how to do the three kid thing pretty fast.  We have been going to swimming lessons every morning at 11:30, which I feel proud of, as I've had to take Nate and Abbie myself since Noah was just a few days old.  I can't seem to find time to eat meals, though, between breastfeeding, feeding Nate and Abbie, swimming, playing, cleaning, cooking dinner, etc.  I am working hard to eat a little bit more--Sometimes I get to dinner and realize I haven't eaten yet that day.  And while I'm glad to be within 5 or 6 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight, I know that this isn't healthy, nor wise.  Late afternoon tends to be the worst time of day for me, so I have been spending that time fixing big dinners for us.  I planned a week-long menu, did the grocery shopping, and have been cooking every night.  Not bad for having a newborn, right?  While I wish that I hadn't been thrown back into real life nearly as quickly as I was, I'm proud of myself for being able to do it fairly successfully.  

Postpartum Depression... So far, so good.  I sort of feel like a ticking time bomb, though, like I'm waiting to go off and like all the people close to me are waiting for me to go off too.  I've had a few really rough days where I wonder if I'm crashing, but I've been able to come out of it every time.  Lack of sleep is probably my biggest trigger (great, right?), which is why we've switched to pumping at night.  Staying busy is also important for me, hence cooking big meals every night and leaving the house at least once a day (swimming lessons).  I'm doing my best to keep the big beast at bay and praying that I might escape it this time.  Honestly, I don't have time for depression.  Alan just started his fellowship and is working a lot, our in-town family is busy with other things/kids, and my family is far away.  I think that that's what scares me the most about it--If I were to crash, how would we make it?  If I had to do everything on my own starting the day after Noah was born, that tells me that we don't have the option of needing a lot of help (although my visiting teachers have offered more times than I can count--Thank you!).  I'm just going to keep using all of my coping skills, continue praying for strength and patience, and try to remind myself that it's okay to have a bad day here or there.  We'll survive; I know that for sure.

We call Noah 'Gramps' because he wrinkles his forehead like this all the time.  (Also because he wears diapers and doesn't have any teeth.)

This is how l look with a full belly and a clean diaper.  RELAXED.

I have pictures of all my kids stuffed into the corner of the couch.  This is where Alan likes to put them.  I'm not sure what's up with the cross eyed look.

Love the cheeks, the hands, the lips, the hair.  He's just so cute.

He spends a lot of time with his hands by his mouth, shaking his head around like a mad man.  He actually latched on to his own arm this afternoon.

I love how his cheek hangs down towards the floor.