A Reminder for Today

Some photos I took from the car on our way home from Chicago a couple of weekends ago... I need to remind myself of the beauty this world has to offer. I need to remind myself that there are things that ignite a passion in me. I need to remind myself that the daily drudgery that seems to encompass my life recently is not all there is.

I am phenomenally grateful for my children, my husband, his job, our home, my life. But... (Can I follow a statement like that with a but?) Sometimes it seems easier to forget than remember. I found myself thinking today of the person who I used to be, Emily, not Mommy. Fun Em, who used to pick out colorful clothes to make her body look good, not search for black to hide the squishy overweight blob I am today. Em who used to go out with friends and date her husband and throw parties and dance and do really crazy things that made everyone laugh and made her happy, not sit at home in my pajamas all day every day, hoping the neighborhood kids might think my sweats are really pants, and only putting on jeans and a bra to pick up the kids from school. Em who graduated at the very very top of her nursing school class, and scrubbed in to C-Sections, and sometimes delivered babies when the doctors didn't make it on time. What happened to that person in my wedding photos? Where did she go? Is she still in here somewhere, under the 25 extra pounds, maybe between a couple of the rolls? Is she hiding somewhere beneath the to-do list that contains 'scrub baby poop off of bath toy turtles' and 'sort, wash, fold, dry, put away laundry x 4 loads'? If I ever got an uninterrupted night of sleep (or maybe 10 in a row), would that energetic and exciting person show her much thinner and more beautiful face? Honestly, I doubt it. But you know what? I think that, somehow, that's just fine. Because this new squishy body miraculously grew three beautiful children. And sitting in my pajamas all day means that I'm home loving and teaching and caring for my baby every second of every day. And finishing my not-so-glorious to-do lists keeps my children clean, healthy and content. So maybe I'm not the same woman I used to be. Maybe I'm more. (And I'm not just talking about the 25 pounds...)