First Day of School

Well, this was probably not the best idea. Blogging about your kids going to school on the same day they go back to school is a recipe for disaster (i.e. smeared mascara). Abbie started kindergarten today and Nate started third grade. I miss them. A lot. Yesterday I cried while exercising because I realized that when I got on the elliptical today, I'd be all alone down there in the basement, with Abbie's little exercise bike completely empty next to me. So sad.

The kids did wonderfully today, though. This is my fourth year doing the first day of school alone.  That sucks. It was more complicated this year, though, because I had to take both kids, plus Noah. Imagine me with Noah in the sling, two paper bags full of supplies, a rest mat for Abbie, the camera, and Nate and Abbie. Thank goodness for our neighbor who offered to carry one of the bags for me. I put Nate in his line, left him with his supplies and promised to come down to find him in his classroom after I got Abbie settled. He was already with one of his friends from last year, Owen, so Nate was fine. I went back to find Abbie in her line, looking for me. That broke my heart. I should have had her come to find Nate's class with me, then go back to her line. But she was fine. We found out the a girl from Abbie's preschool class, Emma, is in her kindergarten class. I think it was a relief to see a familiar face for her. I walked Abbie into her classroom, helped her hang up her backpack, put her lunch in the lunch basket, and find her seat. Then, knowing I needed to check in with Nate, said my goodbyes. I gave her a hug and a kiss, let her kiss Noah's head and left. I think she had tears in her eyes, but she was a trooper and stayed strong. I did my best not to cry on the way to Nate's classroom. When I got there, he was already working at his desk and waved to me. What difference from his first day of kindergarten.

I swung by the cafeteria for the kindergarten parents breakfast, but didn't stay long because it was full of parents celebrating the fact that their kids are in school now. It was all I could do not to sob and they were asking for champagne. I left quickly and went down to Abbie's classroom again. I didn't go in, but just watched through the doorway. She was talking to the girl next to her and coloring at her seat. She seemed fine. She looked up and saw me, smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back, then left. I cried. A lot. I cried walking to the car. I cried in the car. I cried driving to my friend Michelle's house. I'm crying again now. These are such raw emotions for me. I have spent the last three years alone with Abbie, day in and day out. She turns six on Sunday and I've spent the last six years not letting her out of my sight. But today, I'm supposed to just drop her off and leave her? It's such a foreign concept, leaving my children in somebody else's care. I know that Nate's going to be fine; he has all his friends already. But what if Abbie gets lonely? What if someone is mean to her? What if she misses me? I just want to go back, pick her up, bring her home and hold her forever. This sucks. This just really sucks.

Here are some pictures of the kids from this morning. I stupidly forgot to take any pictures of them together. I'll have to get those after school. I love Nate and Abbie so much and I really really miss them.

Abbie at her desk

Nate at his desk