In Remembrance

This is the ring that Alan and I had made in remembrance of the babies we've lost. There is one emerald for each baby, green because we don't know if they were boys or girls. There are two larger stones for the babies that I carried longer, and two smaller stones for the babies I lost earlier. I think that the oval that houses the stones looks somewhat womb-like, and I love that they are intertwined with an infinity sign because they'll be our babies, and in our hearts, forever. 

The engraving on the inside of my ring says, Saudades. It's a Portuguese word that does not have a true translation to English, but "describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or deeply melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves... Saudade was once described as the love that remains after someone is gone." 

This ring has brought me more comfort than I thought possible. I know that it's just a "thing," but it truly means something to my heart. I feel like the ring keeps these babies with me, more than in my heart and memories, but in a real, almost physical sense. And each time that I glance at the ring, I remember them, all four babies, that are waiting for me on the other side of the veil. Some day I'll actually be able to hold them in my arms--Maybe then, they'll stop aching.