An Update (because I'm not answering my phone)

Dear Blog, Life has super-sucked lately. I'm still depressed and very cranky. Nate is still crying every morning before school. The last thing I hear before bed is, "I don't want to go to school tomorrow." It is also the first thing that I hear in the morning. Today Nate started the waterworks before we even left the house, while he was putting on his shoes. Somehow knowing that he's fine during the day (with the exception of crying at lunch and sometimes during recess), just doesn't do it for me. I need to see him leave with a smile. I'm just not stable enough to leave him crying every day! Today, Abbie's band aid fell off right before we dropped Nate off. I must have looked like Super-Mom walking both of my children, CRYING, down to school. Ugh. The good news is that I have an amazing husband, for whom I am very grateful. I can't imagine being this miserable with anybody else (ha ha). I have two beautiful, loud, and interesting children who are both healthy and (for the most part) happy. I have finally joined the 25 lb club and am shooting for the 50 lb club next--Weight loss is SO fun when you're motivated to absolutely nothing. I have a home, food for my family, friends (who really are taking care of me), and access to clean water and health care. If depression weren't such an all-consuming disorder, I'd probably be writing about how blessed I am. At least I can acknowledge that I have a lot for which I'm grateful. I've been reading a lot lately--I think that it's a coping strategy. If I can find myself in a different reality, which I think a good book can do, I don't have to deal with all the crap in my own life. Anyways, I recommend the "Twilight" series by Stephenie Meyer. Amazing books--I couldn't stop reading! Now that I'm done, I miss Edward. Hmmm... I've learned that while I love Nicholas Sparks, his novels can be very tragic. I think that the last 3 or 4 novels I've read (in the last 2 weeks), somebody has just up and died in the end. Speaking of waterworks... I'm glad that I've rekindled my love of books, though. I forgot that I liked reading. I also forgot that I liked baking--I baked an Apple Spice cake on Monday. Yum. As Alan said yesterday, "Don't worry--It's only the worst day of your life." He was trying to cheer me up, but I found that somewhat comforting. I'll never say it can't get worse (cause then it will, duh!), but it was a really, really, really, sad, bad, crappy, suck-it day. Thank you friends and sister-wives :) for making today better and keeping me under your eagle eyes. I would not be without you. Here's to more smiles, less yelling, less crying and better days. Opa! (or something) Sincerely, Emily