Monday, May 05, 2008
Mommy Timeout
I know that I'm not typically a morning blogger, but today I am on a Mommy Timeout and it is warranted. A Mommy Timeout is when I've had it, when I am at the end of my rope and need some time to cool off. I can't believe it's not even 9 AM and I'm already deep into my first Mommy Timeout.
What led to this timeout, you ask? One guess... Yup, Abbie. She wanted to wear this stupid outfit that was dirty and stained and for the middle of winter, not a day when we're supposed to be in the 70s. After trying to talk with her (why I try to rationalize with a 2 yr old is beyond me), I just told her that I was picking out the outfit and she was going to wear it. This was after a timeout for screaming at me. So, in the process of trying to get her dressed (yes, we're talking about restraining her and forcing the clothes on), she pinched me and then... SHE BIT ME. I was astonished. She has bitten before, but never me. Never me. She went on timeout and I called Melissa to talk to somebody who would understand. I cooled down a little, got her off timeout and talked to her about why that's not okay. She clearly felt bad, knew she had screwed up big time and said sorry. Now she's off reading books with Nate and I'm left here, on my Mommy Timeout.
I've said that this blog is about honesty, so if you're not in it for the deep stuff, shut your browser down now.
I feel ashamed. How could I, the SAHM, who works day in and day out to teach my children manners, good behavior, how to read, how to dress themselves (I guess I should have left that off the lesson plan), how to do everything, have a daughter who bites me? I know that I sound arrogant. I don't mean to. I just wonder what I've done wrong. What opportunity did I miss to teach her? What did I do that made her think biting is okay? Where have I gone wrong?
That's how I feel. Now rationally, I know that how a child behaves is rarely all about the parent. There are wonderful parents out there who have hellions as children, through no fault of their own. It's just hard to see that when it's your own child.
I feel a little better now. Writing out my thoughts helps. Off to get ready to go to the zoo. These are the days when I think that honesty in motherhood is so important. Do other children bite their parents? I just don't know because nobody talks about things unless it's how many cupcakes they made for their child's class or how many times their son pooped in the potty yesterday. Why?
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I'm sorry you are having a bad day, Em. Not a mom quite yet, so I don't know what else to say. I just hope your day gets better. Love, Ra
ReplyDeleteHi Emily -
ReplyDeleteI just thought I'd let you know that I've been reading your blog every day, and that I very much enjoy your perspective. I gravitate towards blogs and articles about motherhood that are honest, even when honesty is tough and graphic and unpleasant. I'm tired of reading blogs and articles that are all sunshine and flowers, because I know those authors aren't telling the truth. There are of course moments that are wonderful, but they come with moments that are equally challenging, frustrating, and disheartening. Keep up the great work!
Erin Ferris
Hope the day got better, Em. Two thoughts for you:
ReplyDelete1. Do you not remember all the tantrums you used to throw? Crying, breaking things, screaming, "I hate you!" I think that's what most kids do.
2. You did teach Abbie. That's exactly what you did yesterday when she had to experience the consequences of her behavior. There is no way that parents can accurately predict how any child will react to any given situation. What we can do, though, is just what you did: take the moment to teach. How much easier it would have been to ignore the behavior or laugh it off or respond with words but no consequences. As hard as it was, you did the right thing. What I know is that the really scary thing in parenting is not the fear of what our kids will do so much as the fear of our own emotions when we react to what they do. Sometimes we are just pushed so close to the edge that it's terrifying. That's when we do exactly what you did - take some deep breaths, call a friend, take a timeout. I can remember being amazed (and somewhat horrified I must admit) to discover that after the storm was over, you girls would totally move on. It was like you'd thrown the off switch, but I was left trembling and upset and fearful and angry for a much longer time. Maybe that's because the consequences of my losing control were potentially so much more severe. (Remember the story of the big cast iron skillet?)
Anyway, if your friends are not talking about these things, then it's good that you are, because moms have to support one another. And if you have people in your life who won't or can't talk about them, then lose them, because they just won't be there for you when you need them, and they surely won't turn to you for support even when they really need it.
Now, on a lighter note, I saw this display at Central Market last week. Maybe society is getting more open, after all. Well, I was going to insert a picture, but couldn't figure out how to do it. So, I'll send it by email, and maybe you can insert it.
Love you, Sweetie!
love the Townes music!
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