My little Bug

Nate. Nate is my little Bug. That's what I call him. It started when he was a baby and I called him Bugaboo, but then we looked up what bugaboo meant and realized it wasn't very nice. So now I just call him my Bug. I love Nate. He is turning into such a wonderful little boy. He reaching that stage of development where he understands how his actions affect other people and how they feel. He actually knows when somebody is sad (aside from when Abbie is bawling--visual cues) and he cares. It's touching to see him take care of Abbie or give me a hug when he can see that I'm having a hard time. Today I put on a pair of swimming goggles and told Nate that they were my new glasses. I asked him if he'd still let me walk him to kindergarten and hold my hand if I wore them. He looked at me so confused. He just said, "Of course!" He said he'd tell me that they look cool. What a sweetheart. He also said he's going to like me even when he's older--I asked him to sign a paper saying that. :) I'm going to be so sad when my little Bug is gone to kindergarten in the fall. I don't know what I'll do without him. He's turned into this little friend. He's been my companion (as Melissa says--my missionary companion) for the past FIVE years. That's a long time to go spending every waking (and a lot of sleeping) moments together to just one day go to spending 8 hours apart. My heart just aches thinking of him being alone at school. Who will kiss his knee when he falls? Who will make sure that everybody is being nice to him? Who will make sure he's always safe? All day, every day, I am never out of earshot of him--he very very rarely leaves my sight. Now I just have to let him go? I realize that the past 5 years have been for me to prepare him to do all these things by himself. He can stand up for himself, make friends by himself, end arguments by himself. I'm so proud of him, but I'm also sad because I feel like he doesn't really need his mommy anymore. I know; he's not going to college. He still needs me. I just like the little boy who holds my hand in the street and gives me a hug when he comes home from a friend's house and who cries when I tell him I'm going out for a while. It's nice to feel needed. It's selfish, but it's nice. I think I'm going to be lonely. No, I know I'm going to be lonely. Hopefully Abbie will learn how to deal with a crying Mommy... And then there's Abbie. She's my little bee. (I'll explain that another time.) I am very excited to have some alone time with her--I think that she'll really start to thrive with more one-on-one time. She's so incredibly smart. I wouldn't be surprised if she's reading by the time she's 3. I just worry about being alone with her. Strange, huh? She's very demanding--I don't know if the tantrums will lessen when it's just the two of us or if these terrible twos will continue. She can be so sweet, but she also has a mind of her own and boy does she know how to use it. I love her for it, of course, but it can be so trying. I don't want to stifle her and I don't want her to change because what more could you hope for than a woman who knows what she wants, will do anything to get it and won't let anybody or anything get in her way? It's just a little bit challenging in a 2 year old. Oh my little bug and bee...