A Surprisingly Spiritual Day

This morning at 9:30, I met Melissa at a gal from church's house--Mona. We are her visiting teachers. I was able to leave the kids at home with Alan; I tried to get them to come but Alan had already offered baseball as an alternative, so alone I went! Luckily Jacob and Mona's son, Bridger, played a little bit so I didn't feel too bad about showing up kidless. I was able to give this month's lesson and I chose a talk called "Daughters of God" by M. Russell Ballard. Unfortunately, I tend to have issues with talks about motherhood in church. As a woman who does not find motherhood perfect and continually joyful, I find myself resenting people that tell me I should or somehow imply that it is. This talk, however, I really enjoyed. Elder Ballard discusses the importance of taking care of yourself because if you don't do that, it's impossible to take care of your kids. He also talks to the men in the church and advises them to help their wives. He recognizes the difficulties and challenges that mothers face. I really appreciated the talk and chose to share it (here too!):

As a young father, I learned the demanding role of motherhood. I served as a counselor and then as bishop for a period of 10 years. During that time we were blessed with six of our seven children. Barbara was often worn-out by the time I got home Sunday evening. She tried to explain what it was like to sit on the back row in sacrament meeting with our young family. Then the day came that I was released. After sitting on the stand for 10 years, I was now sitting with my family on the back row.

The ward’s singing mothers’ chorus was providing the music, and I found myself sitting alone with our six children. I have never been so busy in my whole life. I had the hand puppets going on both hands, and that wasn’t working too well. The Cheerios got away from me, and that was embarrassing. The coloring books didn’t seem to entertain as well as they should.

As I struggled with the children through the meeting, I looked up at Barbara, and she was watching me and smiling. I learned for myself to more fully appreciate what all of you dear mothers do so well and so faithfully!...

We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult. Through my own four-generation experience in our family, and through discussions with mothers of young children throughout the Church, I know something of a mother’s emotions that accompany her commitment to be at home with young children. There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives...

As a Church, we have enormous respect and gratitude to you mothers of young children. We want you to be happy and successful in your families and to have the validation and support you need and deserve... ...find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children... What more can a husband do to support his wife, the mother of their children?

First, show extra appreciation and give more validation for what your wife does every day. Notice things and say thank you—often. Schedule some evenings together, just the two of you.

Second, have a regular time to talk with your wife about each child’s needs and what you can do to help.

Third, give your wife a “day away” now and then. Just take over the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities. Taking over for a while will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your wife does. You may do a lot of lifting, twisting, and bending!

Fourth, come home from work and take an active role with your family. Don’t put work, friends, or sports ahead of listening to, playing with, and teaching your children...

I hope all of you dear sisters, married or single, never wonder if you have worth in the sight of the Lord and to the leaders of the Church. We love you. We respect you and appreciate your influence in preserving the family and assisting with the growth and the spiritual vitality of the Church. This afternoon, I was able to accompany the missionaries on a visit. It was my first time doing so and I really enjoyed it. I was nervous at first, but it was fine! It was neat for me to get a small glimpse into missionary work. I, of course, love missionaries and have since college when I really got to know some of them. I find their devotion and faith amazing, and their work ethic unbelievable. But today I was privy to a different side of missionary work. I am used to being on the other side of the discussion; it was neat to see things from their side. I could see how much they care for the people they teach, how much they think about them and the amount of soul they put into their work. I look forward to going out with them again! To end tonight, I need to write about how grateful I am for my life. I was discussing with Melissa and Michelle today (during our weekly playdate at Michelle's now empty old apt. while her oven self-cleaned) how difficult things were over the past year. They were wondering how we did it all, with the kids and the appointments and the hospitalizations, etc. I thought about it and came up with a few things. Number one, without a doubt, is Alan. He is my rock. He never gave up on me, no matter how bad things got, no matter how awful I treated him (unfortunately with depression, one tends to become very egocentric and I turn pretty mean). He went to school, supported me and was a devoted father. Number two is my BIL, Michael. Last summer, Michael came home from college and didn't get a job. He was around all summer and helped us more than I could have ever asked for. He watched the kids while I went to the doctor, he watched the kids when I couldn't get out of bed, he drove me to and from my ECT treatments (waiting in the waiting room the whole time). Looking back, I don't know how we would have survived without him. If you see this Michael, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The last thing is faith. I came so close to committing suicide, multiple times. Without my faith, without some belief that there is life after this, I would have taken my life--I have no doubt about that. I am so grateful to the missionaries who taught me in Albuquerque, to my friends/roommates who shared their beliefs with me and to Alan for being so exemplary in his commitment to God. I am blessed beyond compare in my life. It's nice to have days where I am sort of forced to think about God more than usual because it puts things back in perspective for me. I am grateful for today, my friends, my family, a loving Father in Heaven and a Savior who knows and understands me better than I can even fathom.